January/February 2010
                                                  

          

Perfectionism and the Gifted Child

Perfectionism is a problem that many gifted students face.  Parents need to understand what problems can arise from a child that is a perfectionist.   These might include some of the following:

·         Students set unreasonable and almost impossible goals for themselves,

·         Have difficulty enjoying the present moment because they are preoccupied with overcoming the 
  next “hurdle,”

·         Are not risk takers (academically and/or socially) because they fear “failing,” “not being the best,” 
  and “not doing it well enough,”

·         Have an “all-or-nothing” view;  “If I can’t do it perfectly, there’s no point in doing it at all,”

·         Are critical of others,

·         Are highly competitive and are constantly comparing themselves to others,

·         Are afraid of making mistakes,

·         Have difficulty in relationships because they expect too much of themselves and others,

·         Feel that their self-worth depends on “performance,” and therefore are very sensitive to criticism and
  are afraid to just “be”,

·         Cannot accept that love can be unconditional.

As a parent, what can you do to help your child deal with perfectionism?  Some ideas include:

·         Give them permission to fail sometimes.  Explain that some lessons are learned best through failure.

·         Give them permission to be an average student for a day.  Allow them to be messy, late,
  incomplete…..imperfect.

·         Encourage them to get involved in activities that are not graded or judged-activities that focus on
  process, not product.

·         Persuade your child to take a risk.  Have them sign up for a course with a reputation for being   
  challenging.

Many times the gifted child places self-imposed pressures of being perfect at everything, especially grades.  The “perfect” grades are achieved at a high cost; not allowing themselves time to enjoy life.  This creates burn-out in many high school students.   They finally quit!  Their grades drop; they lose interest in school and eventually drop out.  It is easier to do nothing than to live with the pressure of doing everything perfect. Encourage your child to do their best, while still allowing time to relax and enjoy school. 

Resources:  The Gifted Kids Survival Guide by Judy Galbraith and Jim Delisle

                      The Survival Guide for Parents of Gifted Kids by Sally Yahnke Walker